You say I have to get better. You say there isn’t another
option.
I don’t. There is.
You sit there in your polite bewilderment
with a pitiful smile lurking behind your shining eyes
and tell me what I must do.
You, with your rational responses coming from
a mind unknown to me.
I do not know you.
Therefore you cannot possibly know me,
for you can never know what it is to be known by me.
I sit there exposed,
Revealing the truths that lurk inside of my dark, lonely
skull.
I conceal every cut, I suppress every scream. I hide it.
And you tell me that I must do more.
More than forcing a smile onto my tired face?
More than injuring body so that I do not completely destroy it?
More than looking suicidal thoughts in the eye
perpetually throughout the day and fighting the urge to give
in?
More than willing this heavy leaden heart to beat on?
More than living when I have no cause?
You tell me I must do more.
What if I just don’t have it in me?
You describe the situation so well Alice. I'm thinking of you, hang on in there. I'm always here if you need to talk xxx
ReplyDeleteI loved this poem. These are the thoughts that always pop into my head when my mother says things like "stop being lazy" or "what do you want to do with your life?" And all I'm thinking is, well.. I made it out of bed today and I'm still alive so... what more do you want from me when that was such a horrendous effort in and of itself. Anyways, I love your blog and your tumblr, thinking of you :) -Jill, my tumblr : www.singofsilence.tumblr.com
ReplyDelete